


Guilt and Confessions

by Decaykid



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 02:31:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17972777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Decaykid/pseuds/Decaykid
Summary: “I can’t keep doing this.”That’s what he had said to Klaus last night, before Klaus had slipped down the fire escape.“Why don’t you come with me?” Klaus had invited. “There’s a whole world out there we’re not seeing. One outside of criminals and survival.”Ben had given him a look then, a burdened look, full of so much sorrow.“It doesn’t matter where I go, it’s still the same.”





	Guilt and Confessions

He’s seventeen, like his six siblings. Unlike his brothers and sisters, however, he’s mastered the skill of sneaking out. He’s currently getting a taste of the night life with his new found friends.

 

They’re hanging out in the back parking lot of a shopping center, passing around a joint and Jack Daniels; Klaus hates the taste but the buzz is nice. Once the weed is gone and bottle empty, one of the guys takes Klaus by the hand and the pair go off on their own where they kiss for hours. It’s slow and lazy and Klaus is feeling pleasant once he makes his way back to the mansion, eager to get back before the sun rises and another day of grueling training and lectures start.

 

 

 

 

 

There’s a scream, somewhere far away. Klaus is content to ignore it, isn’t sure he’s not dreaming until he’s awaken as he’s dragged out of bed and his back hits the wall.

 

“How dare you!” Luther grounds out, eyes wet and lips trembling.

 

“Luther!” Allison pleads in Klaus’ doorway, “put him down!”

 

Klaus gasps, wraps his hands around Luther’s wrist in a feeble attempt to get his brother to let him go. Instead, Luther tightens his grip and Klaus’ vision starts to blur at the edges.

 

“Luther...” Allison says again, this time with resolve. “Don’t make me make you put him down...”

 

Luther considers this for a second, then two, then Klaus is tumbling to the ground with a harsh gasp for air.

 

 

 

 

It didn’t take long for Klaus to learn what Luther had been upset about. Ben is dead. Vanya found him on the bathroom floor with a small plastic bag in his hand, and when Klaus checked, he discovered that his secret pill stash that he kept hidden in the second drawer of his dresser was gone.

 

_“I can’t keep doing this.”_

 

That’s what he had said to Klaus last night, before Klaus had slipped down the fire escape.

 

_“Why don’t you come with me?”_   Klaus had invited. _“There’s a whole world out there we’re not seeing. One outside of criminals and survival.”_

 

Ben had given him a look then, a burdened look, full of so much sorrow.

 

_“It doesn’t matter where I go, it’s still the same.”_

 

He had killed himself, and he had used Klaus’ pills to do it. Now his siblings are looking at him like he’s the one that killed Ben, like he used his own hands to do it, and Dad now knows about his little hobbies.

 

 

 

 

After the funeral, he goes on a bender, pumps his body full of anything he can get his hands on. Pills, powders, needles, alcohol, sex. He can’t sit still, can’t bare to give a moment for all the thoughts to come rushing in, suffocating, like Luther’s hands around his neck. His heart is racing, his nerves are on fire.

 

He’s in the back of an ambulance.

 

He’s in a hospital bed, trembling and puking through withdrawals.

 

He’s in a rehab center, with his legs pulled up to his chest, hands over his ears as the ghosts beg and plead. Won’t he help them? All they want is eternal rest, he just has to do one favor for them. Just tell their son his father loves him. Just make sure the drunk driver spends her life in prison. Just make sure their rapist and murderer can’t hurt anyone ever again. They cry, and bargain. In languages he can’t speak, and in ones he can. But among the crowd he’s trying to shut out, one voice is the loudest.

 

Slowly, Klaus looks up and in the blink of an eye the ghosts vanish, save for one.

 

“Ben?”

 

He’s standing at the foot of the bed.

 

The first thing Klaus notices is he looks exactly the same as the last time he saw him. No cuts, no bruises. No missing body parts. His insides are where they’re supposed to be.

 

There’s no trauma whatsoever.

 

But that’s what happens when kill yourself with your brother’s pills.

 

“I’m sorry.” Klaus says, words barely audible as his lips tremble and the tears begin to fall. “I’m so sorry.”

 

Ben watches with a terrible ache in his chest as his brother wears the burden of his death like a chain around his neck.

 

He wants so badly to reach out to him, to touch him, to comfort him, but he knows he can’t.

 

_“Do they hurt you?”_ He had asked one of the nights following the mausoleum.

 

_“No, they go right through me.”_

 

Instead, he moves so that he’s sitting in front of him on the bed, knees nearly touching.

 

“Klaus, listen, it’s not your fault.”

 

“Of course it’s my fault,” Klaus says between sobs, “they were my pills.”

 

Ben finds himself reaching towards his brother, though he quickly pulls his hand back, shaking his head.

 

“Klaus, I had my mind made up. I was going to do it. Thanks to you, I did it in the most painless way.”

 

“Wh-what?”

 

“I couldn’t live another day like that. I couldn’t just... keep... keep... keep being his little attack dog! We’re children, Klaus! People! He’s taken everything from us! And... and if it wasn’t for the pills, it would have been something else. The knives in the kitchen. The bed sheets and the guardrail on the second floor. The water in the bathtub.”

 

Klaus sniffs, shudders; where those really options he’d considered?

 

“I... I didn’t mean for them to blame you, Klaus. I just...”

 

“No, no. It’s okay. I understand.”

 

There’s a moment of silence as Klaus picks at a loose thread on the sheets as he tries to even out his breathing.

 

“I do... have one question. If you’re not here because I’m the one responsible for your death, then why are you here?”

 

Ben weighs this heavily before answering. He thinks of the nights that followed the mausoleum, how terrified Klaus had become every time the sun started to set. How Dad had treated him differently, both on missions and within the house. It’s like Klaus had failed some kind of test, and Dad was only disappointed in him from there on out. Ben never understood- could Dad never see what he was doing to his children? Klaus, like Vanya, was being isolated. And Ben couldn’t stand to see him struggle on his own, to see the light in his eyes slowly being snuffed out.

 

“I can’t leave you here by yourself, Klaus.”

**Author's Note:**

> Pt. 3 of Unwanted is taking longer than expected, so I thought I'd post this.


End file.
